Saturday, December 6, 2014

Treat Him Like A Man or Expect A Boy

I posted a tweet of a thought I've had so many times--a thought that really came to roost on Thanksgiving while enjoying time with some vanilla friends. Funny what you see and hear while quietly observing.

My tweet was this
  • If women don't want their men to act like boys--they should reconsider treating them like children. Blog post to follow.

I wanted to expound--but there were turkeys to stuff and the aromas swirling around made it impossible to think too far beyond that tweet.  So with the taste of cranberry and stuffing waning in my mind I decided to talk about this.

As I sat observing I noticed the vanilla women, wearing the pants around the house, treating the men in attendance like boys. I notice it--and bristle every time--when I see it run rampant in the media.

THIS commercial always made me sad or nauseous--or a combination platter of sorrowful sickness--whenever I watched it. I get the same queasy feeling when I watch the counterpart with Jake (although I do laugh at that one because it shows how delusional she is!)

Before I continue, I understand that some relationships work this way and are fulfilling to the participants--this is not aimed at those people.

So, as I watched my vanilla girl friends smack their husband/boyfriend's hands if they touched anything in the kitchen--followed by a verbal scolding (in case they didn't get the point beforehand--I mean--prior to smackhand.) I listened to them, as I have many times, playing mother to their grown men--insignificant offspring (significant others.)

I've also been present when these same Mommy types swoon over alpha males; complain that their men are like children and they wish they'd man up. I listen to them give orders to the men before they go out--as if they might just forget to get out of the rain without their reminders. (Sometimes I swear it's a wonder they can even tie their own shoe laces.)

I know the men grumble about this when they are together--I've been told--because my Sir trusts me and doesn't need to hide anything from me--after all, I step back and allow him to be the man he is.

Some men are perpetual children and will never grow up. Some need a mother sort or they might not live through a day without maiming themselves (I know those types too!) They sit--game controller in hand--the world could fall in around them and they wouldn't have the sense to get up and move off the couch. Sometimes this can fill the need in both partners--and more power to you.

I see the looks of resentment on both sides of the other equation. I hear my girlfriends giving their husbands money--a look of superiority and disgust on their faces. I also notice the look of resignation and embarrassment on the men as they have to ask permission to buy things with money they helped bring to the table.

What baffles me is how the women could even wonder for a second, "Why can't he just man up?" Ummm maybe because you're so busy controlling everything the poor guy doesn't have the opportunity?

They watch my relationship with my Sir and think he is Super Mr. Alpha Dude. "You never have to tell him what to do or not to do. What's your secret?" They ask with envious bewilderment. A few think something is just different.

He is--we are--I am.

He had a relationship prior to ours with one of the Mother Hens and eventually he realized he'd never rise to the occasion if she kept him pushed down--under thumb--tied to her. This was a sweet heart from high school--their roles set when still not fully developed on any level.

Back in the old days the roles were pretty clear--almost cookie cutter. Personally, I prefer that sort of old fashioned--the man is the man of the house--type of dynamic. I know that isn't right for everyone and I'm grateful life isn't one size fits all.

As much as I love cookies--and baking--a couple's relationship style shouldn't be dictated by society or media. Then, media was mostly on black and white television and societal norms were upheld in churches, soda shops and everywhere you looked. There seemed to be but one way--and yet--human nature says variety was desired even if society preached "this is the way things are done."

Society and media have been stirred together into "full baked, half-baked and super duper deluxe" social media outlets. People have all the colors and styles in the cookie store to choose from and yet....There is still that over occurring theme in the original--old school--media outlets. The theme of the boyish (irresponsible, bumbling, goofy and inept) husband with his mothering (mouth wiping, money holding, too responsible for the room) spouse keeping him in a Peter Pan/Toys-R-Us state of being. Meanwhile, she's masturbating--dreaming--of a sexy, dominant alpha man to "man her up" in ways Peter's toy just can't. My friends do their best Elsa impersonations when they sense the men are even thinking of approaching their icy exteriors. They opt instead to enjoy the good vibrations thinking of the men who would make them feel like women. The chasm between them widens--their relationships growing more like parent/offspring as the months and years roll by.

I've almost dared one of them to try a different approach and yet she can't look at him "that way"...and so it goes.

I hope she'll read this post and consider--if you want to feel like a woman--with a man--stop treating him like a boy. He may just surprise you!

I sit here--looking at my Sir--and smile. I feel every bit the woman and I know he feels like the man he is. Sometimes he makes me feel like a protected little girl--like a loving Daddy--the difference? Neither of us complains! ~B.B.

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