I encountered someone on my Twitter feed that happened to run a site I’d seen a day or two prior. The site, Domestic Discipline Life and its owner seemed destined to cross my path. We exchanged messages and this interview began taking shape.
I want to make sure the readers of my books understand the many facets of different sorts of power exchange relationships. I hope they’ll come to understand the cornucopia (yeah, I had to go there-‘tis the season and all of that!) of similarities as well as beauty of the differences. For some, they overlap—some use differing terminology and mean the same things (and vice versa) and some are as different as candy canes and walking canes. I find it very fascinating to hear other points of view—to continue to learn and grow.
This will be the first two segments of the interview (I prefer to interview via messenger so it’s conversational and points can be touched on as things arise—this was done via e-mail so there are two different phases to it.) I already see another part coming—when I take the plunge into the Domestic Discipline Life.
Domestic Discipline Life Interview Part 1
How long have you been in the Domestic Discipline lifestyle? Did your relationship begin as DD or evolve?
Princess: I have been into the Domestic Discipline Lifestyle over 20 years. I discovered it in my late teens and from that point on I knew exactly what type of man I was looking for—someone strong and in contol—loving and caring—yet someone happy to spank me if needed.
SirDD: I had not heard of domestic Discipline until I met Princess 3 years ago.
If evolution, how did it begin, vanilla or other? (Explain please)
Princess: My journey into DD started—as I think most people’s does—with having an interest in being spanked. I always wanted a man who would spank me if needed, as part of a normal loving relationship. DD is always evolving and always changing.
SirDD: I had not heard of DD before meeting Princess and have never even thought of such an idea. Princess explained from Day 1 of our relationship what she was looking for and so I looked into it and did a lot of research. It all made perfect sense to me and was something I was more than happy to have as part of our relationship.
Is this your first relationship of this kind?
What drew you to this sort of relationship dynamic?
Both: The communication aspect is one of the main reasons that we love DD; everyone knows what their role is and what is expected of them. There is no confusion over anything, everything is discussed and talked about.
(Inside the brain of B.B.: I couldn’t agree more. With this sort of relationship as well as a Master/slave relationship.)
How would you describe your relationship? Is it similar to Taken In Hand/HOH? Is it a faith based relationship if TIH/HOH? Or is it closer to BDSM; Master/slave; Dom/sub? Or is it a hybrid of these? (Please explain)
Both: Our Relationship is purely Domestic Discipline and is not faith based at all. We do not live any aspects of BDSM. To us DD and BDSM are totally separate.
(Inside the brain of B.B.: Hmm this has the curious kitten part of my psyche piqued—I may have to dig deeper on this one. I see so much overlap and I’m inquisitive—so yes—I can see me following Alice down the rabbit hole!)
You have a dating/meeting site for people interested in the DD life. How long have you been cultivating the site? What makes it different than other lifestyle sites such as Fetlife, Alt.com etc? (Explain please)
Princess: Domestic Discipline Life is a website for those looking for a Domestic Discipline partner or for those already in a DD relationship. I have been preparing the site and making changes and improvements for 3 years now—we launched http://www.myddlife.com on October 25th this year. We are completely different to Fetlife, Alt etc. in many ways. Upon sign up you are not asked what your kinks are, (DD) is a lifestyle not a kink. We are purely DD based. We have forums, groups, chat rooms, instant messaging, blogs and much more! The website is very friendly and welcoming. We are currently charging only a one off joining fee of $10. We welcome everyone from the DD world to join us at http://www.myddlife.com
(Inside the brain of B.B.:As an aside—BDSM and M/s D/s relationships can be—but aren't always—kinky. They can be very much a lifestyle choice/calling and are to many.)
(Inside the brain of B.B.: B.B. meet rabbit hole! I must satisfy my curiosity!)
In a Master/slave relationship there tends to be play as well a punishment or reward system. In your DD relationship do you play with whips, chains, collars and cuffs? (This is my light way of describing a typical Master/slave type dynamic.)
Princess: No, never have never will. DD is not BDSM.
SirDD: Never. Those things are not a part of DD.
(Inside the brain of B.B.: So maybe DD is part of BDSM but BDSM is NOT part of DD?) Or is punishment used as needed without play?)
BOTH: We have always completely separated sex and Domestic Discipline.
(Inside the brain of B.B.: Maybe that is part of their distinction? The discipline isn’t a turn on? Oh the questions for the next interview segment! This is very interesting to me personally as a lifestyle slave who lives with DD in my life.)
Do you make a distinction between punishment and discipline? If so, how do you differentiate?
BOTH: Punishment for us is when a rule is broken, for example Princess has a list of chores to do weekly. If these were not completed then a punishment would be given. Discipline is more for maintenance, we do this once a week and it is a reminder spanking. Just so Princess knows to remember to follow the rules.
(Inside the brain of B.B.: I recognize part of this. So maybe the dissimilarity is there is no play involved (?) Punishment is for infractions, which is familiar. The discipline part sounds similar to a slave’s rituals/practices that promote mindfulness of one’s place.)
What would you want people to know about the possible realities of DD life for those who think its abuse in disguise?
Both:Domestic Discipline IS NOT abuse in anyway. It is fully consented by the woman and man. Abuse is not consented. There is a huge difference. In most cases it is the woman who brings DD to her partner. DD is fully discussed before embarking on a DD relationship. DD is in no way abuse Thank you for your responses!
Domestic Discipline Interview-Part 2
I couldn't help noticing that you do not identify with BDSM in any way personally...
What about “Taken In Hand” and Head of Household" (are you familiar with these terms?) both of which (along with 1950's style) seem synonymous with Domestic Discipline? (Would couples involved in these types of relationships be comfortable or fit well with your site?)
Princess: Indeed, we identify with Taken in hand and Head of household and this is fundamental to DD for us, so yes people who live Taken in hand are welcome to the site. We are not Master/Slave to us that is a BDSM term. I am Taken in hand and Sir DD is Head of Household, these are key terms to us and are the foundation of DD. The thing with DD is that it is very different for each Couple.
The reasons I ask are many. I identify as a slave personally, but to most people it would seem “we” live a Taken In Hand/Head of Household/DD lifestyle-very old fashioned. We identify with the Bondage (even if mental/emotional) Dominance/Discipline Submissive/slave Master elements of the acronym. I'm also extremely domestic and service oriented. I am not a masochist and my Daddy Sir is not a sadist.
There are so many submissives looking to connect with others like themselves, who may find a lot to offer with your site. How would they view your site? Would kinky people be welcomed at your site/be able to connect? Or is the difference so vast in your opinion, that they'd feel awkward?
Princess: When it comes to kinky people—that is a hard question as most people who evolve into DD start with a spanking kink, I did myself. So as you can see DD is different for everyone. I guess if you are into whips and chains etc. then our site is not for you!
(Inside the brain of B.B.: See there it is—I have to find out what makes this lifestyle—with its own kink—different from my personal lifestyle. Is it simply a way of self identification that makes the difference? Or is there something more?)
So I will be off exploring the wonders of our sameness and the deliciousness of the differences to see what I can find. I hope to have Princess and SirDD back after I spend some time in their corner of the www. It sounds like a fun place for sure!
If you live in a power exchange relationship of any sort and would like to be interviewed message me here or on my Twitter. I look forward to meeting you!
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