Saturday, February 21, 2015

FSOG Review

First, let me say, I do not typically do reviews. It isn't that I don't have an opinion, I do, but reviews just aren't my cup of coffee. (I'll tell anyone who asks my opinion but I know my strong points and reviews are not among them.)

That being said, I have strong feelings about Fifty Shades of Grey the series, the BDSM life/life style and ultimately, I have them about the movie.

I was on the Charlie Hunnam bandwagon, I felt a character who is castrated the way Christian Grey is by Ana should be played by an actor who is proven to have some balls (no such luck.)

Christian...Almost Makes Me Want to Change Religions

So, I was never completely on board with this Jamie Dornan guy to begin with. When I read of his little remark about wanting to be entertained while watching people do a real life BDSM scene it made me step away from the platform even further. (Real life scenes, although entertaining to some, serve a much higher purpose to the participants than a strip show/male review.)

This brings me to the actual movie. I didn't hate it. 
(But if this is how my favorite of the three books materialized, I doubt I'll somehow love the other two movies more.)

Anyway, the Jamie Dornan train--I wasn't on board, stepped away from the platform and now I completely left the station on this guy. Generally I wouldn't remark on looks, but, considering the subject matter, looks are sort of important.

I could've lived with his cold, almost robot like presence--I've met dominant males with those characteristics and they aren't without some sort of charm and sex appeal. I just couldn't get past his eyes. To me, the eyes are very important, in a dominant (to me) even more so. One of his eyes is bigger than the other and it was hard not to look.
(This does lead me to wonder about the robotic personality and consider he could be a Cyborg.) 

I also had a difficult time getting past his lame hair style. (That is all.)

Lastly, and this one is almost as important as the eyes--and if he's actually speaking it takes the lead--his facial expressions when he talks aggravated the hell out of me! There was just nothing sexy about his mouth, and worse, he had micro-movements around his lips that distracted me from hearing what he had to say.

If he just sat there, in some of the more casual attire and looked straight to the camera (like before he spoke when he walked into the hardware store) he could be sorta schmexy-ISH. When it was simply his profile and a wider angled shot--there could be deliciousness (like when he crawled up to her on the bed the first time.) But, since it was a whole movie with dialogue and multiple camera angles--he was not the best choice to cast.  
(This thinking reminded me of the 1970s movie "Looker" because as soon as he moved or talked his hotness dropped to arctic iciness.)

With the fluff out of the way (I can have dessert first if I choose) it's on to the meat and potatoes of the movie.

BDSM Rant and Roll

I've been conflicted about this series from the start (clearly to anyone who knows me or has read things I've said in regard to it.) It's a love/loathe relationship (which fits the Boderline Personality Disorder both characters seem to possess.)

I'm vocal that I can't stand the Ana character--I've wanted to smack her since I read. (Dakota Johnson did a much less annoying version on screen--I actually liked the way she portrayed the character.) Recently I've come to realize, it is their relationship and something like this could very well happen (to some degree.) We're all different colors, shades, textures and hues of flawed so why not?

What gets my cage rockin' is not the story of the characters, but that the media (and thus merchandising people) have painted this as THE SHADE of BDSM. It may be a shade of someone's BDSM experience but its just a shame this one got the attention it has.

It (FSOG) seemed on a mission to save the poor, broken dominant from his life of torment and self loathing. Yet its spawned a vast amount of curiosity seekers who are buying tons of sex toys--attempting to endorse the life Ana castrated (saved) poor Christian from. (Ironic?)

I considered these things while I watched, critiqued and wished (tried to picture) Jax in the leading role.

One part rattled my chain more than others--the last spanking scene. It had nothing to do with my distaste for the actor, it wasn't shot poorly--it just wasn't written in any healthy way (but then it would've gone against the initial, obvious mission statement.)

Christian allowed himself to be goaded into losing self control. He was manipulated by Ana to take her into the RRofP and show her the worst (which is off, but she is a novice.) I know he's supposed to be human (or robot or cyborg) but a dominant with so much experience would have to be in control of himself and not let the sub twist him that way. (Dom card-suspended--Christian is in time-out!)

Then, to top the scene off--she counts the lashes and cries her tears without a single safe-word used (no yellow, red, orange or tangerine.) But gets angry at him--yells and storms off--when he did what she manipulated him into doing to begin with.

This pissed me off in the book and more on screen. (I enjoyed the first book but when I watched it there were things that stood out more on the big screen than they did when I read.)

Some of it was steamy, some rang true to things I've seen or experienced. There were parts that were healthier than others (which is what kept me reading and ultimately watching.)

There was no rape--but he did have a stalker quality that I wasn't totally put off by. If the contract was such a big deal he could've waited for then to stalk her (then it would've possibly been consensual and part of the deal.) But to wait, he'd first have to learn some self-control--which it seems she's made him throw from the window of the train. 


I think the editing deserves a big hand for the way they cut the sex scenes together, showing just enough without crossing over. I was actually sort of impressed with this part.

They lost me on one part--not sure if something was cut and left on the floor in the Red Room of Pain or what.

The part directly after they played the first time--she was in bed alone and I was annoyed with his lack of aftercare. He came up, kissed her and BAMM next thing she's coming downstairs, dressed and they're going to his parents' house for dinner. (In fairness, maybe I dozed for a moment? Nah, I doubt it!)

I'll be hard pressed to see the others if he is still playing Christian Grey, the story annoys me as it unfolds and I just don't know if I could sit through it and him for those. (Morbid curiosity may get the better of me.)

I know it sound like I hated it--but I really didn't. Some was really hot--and both characters have some redeeming qualities. I just wish E.L. James had picked a different lifestyle to know nothing about before writing a novel--then maybe it would've been a good story with fucked up characters I/we could feel something for.

I'll quickly site "Secretary" as a better example. E. Edward Grey was conflicted, tormented about his proclivities. Lee was a tortured soul who cut and was completely socially awkward. He pushed her away because of his disgust for his own needs but ultimately, they saved each other. (I still cry every time I watch the ending parts.)

Even now, watching Blacklist I get misty. I know the original Mr. Grey was once alive and well in Raymond "Red" Reddington.

I guess there are many colors to paint our world--these are only two possibilities.

Wet Whips & Kisses,


  1. Fantastic review BB. I agree with everything you said. I wasn't a fan of any of the final casting, but I thought Dakota Johnson did a better job than I was expecting. Overall, I enjoyed the move and the experience, however there are parts that bothered me also.

    First, I didn't notice Jamie's eyes being off, so IF I watch it again, I'll have to pay close attention to that. LOL!! However his mouth is what bothered me. Yes, he is a good looking man, but his mouth to me was too sweet. His facial expressions were not Dominant and actually, I didn't think there was really anything Dominant about him. I also read the same article with his comment about being entertained and it was very off putting and disrespectful.

    The first spanking scene and the last spanking scene seem to be a hot topic. I do believe that these things can happen and especially if the people involved are inexperienced. In real life, an experienced Dom (which Christian is supposed to be) would not leave his sub the way Christian did. However, this is fiction and the author had to create some sort of drama and turmoil. So I've made peace with that for the sake of entertainment. The last spanking scene pissed me off also and makes me hate Ana all over again. But she is inexperienced and the author had to create the drama for entertainment sake.

    There are a couple of other minor things for me too... the hair! When they had a close up of Ana's legs and it was covered in hair, I actually said out loud that she needed to shave. I think Christian could have used a little manscaping also. Haha :D Another piece to this that bothers me is that they are making these 3 books into 3 movies? I really didnt think there was enough content to make this into 3 separate movies. By the 3rd book I was skimming some parts just to finish it.

    Okay... so I'll stop now. I really only meant to tell you that I really enjoyed your review and thank you for posting.

  2. LOL THE HAIR LOL I agree on her hair as well. I've noticed it before in movies and you think someone would yell "Cut! Get that person a razor!"

    Some dominants are more into aftercare and some just don't get the need--it does happen and I've experienced both. I prefer the aftercare part though and it can run for days if a sub/slave gets "subdrop."

    I actually didn't hate Ana more from that scene--I was just annoyed with E.L. James writing it the way she did. Considering the gist is the saving of Christian from the big bad BDSM life, maybe his lack of self-control was planned. The whole business of the contract and how important it seemed to be with both characters, how the safe word part was discussed and then to NOT use them and cry foul made everything prior to it pointless.

    I am nowhere near your status as a reviewer, but I'm glad you enjoyed it :)

  3. The aftercare is important. I'm not in the lifestyle, but I enjoy the romantic aspects that you can find in BDSM. And everything I've heard about FSOG I hate. But maybe I'm just a guy.

  4. FSOG got some things okay but for the wrong reasons or in the wrong way. The mission statement is clear--save Christian--so he had to be 50 shades of fked up and no get it to need saving.

    Aftercare is important on many levels--subdrop can be an evil back side of things--like a hangover that lasts and lasts. Aftercare is important for that reason. It'd be like taking your car out and racing it but not caring for it afterward--it'll ultimately give up and die on you.